Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Quran on Marriage: Can Muslim Women Marry Christians and Jews?

 Pre-post: the post below is a "lay person's" view with Qur'anic references to repudiate the claim that Muslim women are not allowed to marry men from the People of the Book (Christians and Jews). However, for those interested in reading about this from the perspective of a respected Imam, someone with an authoritative position, please check out the book Moving the Mountain: Beyond Ground Zero to a New Vision of Islam in America by Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf. In Chapter 4, titled "The Modern American Muslim Woman," he discusses the issue of the marriage of Muslim women to men of the People of the Book and offers a very rational viewpoint.
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So, I'm sure we're always reminded that as Muslim women, we are not allowed to marry non-Muslim (non-Muslim here means Christian and Jewish) men because the Quran says so. I won't talk about non-Christians and non-Jews in here because that's an entirely different topic because the Quran tells both men and women that they may not marry the mushrikeen (polytheists or those who join partners with God. I know, I know what's going through your mind right now: "Oh, but Christians have the Trinity! That's polytheism right there!" k, patience, please).

So, when I realized that I was actually allowed to think, I started thinking about this and couldn't stop asking why this is so. Yes, everyone knows that the Quran makes it very clear that men may marry women from the People of the Book (Christians and Jews), and our male scholars, with all due respect to them, have decided that because God didn't specify whether or not women can marry men from the People of the Book, God actually meant that women can't. 'Course, this is the same case with polygamy: While men are specifically allowed to have more than one wife if they can treat them equally, even though another verse tells them that they cannot treat women equally even if they so wish to, women are never Quranically prohibited from marrying more than one man. But polygamy another time. For now, let's stick to marriage to Jews and Christians.
The main verses in question are 2:221 and 5:5. I'll give the Arabic first, then Yusuf Ali's full translation.

2:221:
وَلَا تَنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۗ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ أُولَٰئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ ۖ وَاللَّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ ۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ

Yusuf Ali: Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise. 

Maybe it's just me, who knows, but the verse above says the exact same thing to both men and women: Do not marry the mushrikeen until they believe. Yet, whenever we ask why Muslim women can't marry non-Muslim men, it never crosses the answerers' minds that we might mean the Jews or Christians, and they give us, mind you, the second part of the verse above! They completely -- and I mean completely! -- ignore the first part of the verse. Why? Oh, because then that'd prove their point wrong, and they don't want to believe that men could possibly ever be denied what they've been taught women are denied.

Islam-qa.com does this, too. This ever most-authentic source on everything Islam-related uses this to say why women are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men, including Jews and Christians because apparently they, too, are mushrikeen -- but only when it comes to Muslim women marrying their men, not Muslim men marrying their women!

“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al Mushrikun (atheists) till they believe (in Allah Alone)” (Al-Baqarah: 221)  

Why do they so conveniently ignore the part where God says the exact same thing to men? Could it also be because no one ever asks, "Why can't a Muslim man marry non-Muslim women?"

This site compares the translations of verse 2:221.

As for verse 5:5, it reads:

الْيَوْمَ أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ الطَّيِّبَاتُ ۖ وَطَعَامُ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ حِلٌّ لَّكُمْ وَطَعَامُكُمْ حِلٌّ لَّهُمْ ۖ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ إِذَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلَا مُتَّخِذِي أَخْدَانٍ ۗ وَمَن يَكْفُرْ بِالْإِيمَانِ فَقَدْ حَبِطَ عَمَلُهُ وَهُوَ فِي الْآخِرَةِ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ

Yusuf Ali: This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time,- when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

Feel free to compare this translation to a plethora of others at this site.

So, the above verse, talking clearly to men, tells men that they can marry chaste women from the People of the Book--without saying anything to women or whether women can marry chaste men from the people of the book. Well, neglecting to permit something is not equivalent to denying or prohibiting it. So, just because the Quran doesn't say women can do it doens't mean they can't. We can't expect to find a clear "NO" to everything in life. If something's not clearly forbidden, we shouldn't be saying, "Hmmm... it doesn't say we can do it, so that means we can't."  

Those who insist that Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-Muslims (all non-Muslims) say that Christians count as polytheists because the Quran has explicitly stated that those who say Jesus (pbuh) is God's son are disbelievers (verses 5:73 and 9:30); the Quran also says that the Jews imitate the disbelievers by saying that Uzair (Ezra) is the son of God (verse 9:30). 

If we're going to say that Christians and Jews are disbelievers, then how do we explain the Quran's permission to men to marry Christian/Jewish women while at the same time telling both women and men that they may not marry disbelievers?  Is this a contradiction, or does one verse abrogate the other? If one is abrogated by the other, which one is it, and how does one conclude that?

In a society and in an era in history in which marriage is overall seen as a kingdom where the husband is dominant, it'd make sense to disallow women to marry men from other religions because then women (wives) are the subjects and men (husbands) are the king. No, its making sense doesn't make it fair or right. But if the marriage is seen more as something that needs hard work to be kept intact and hard work required by both partners, not just the wife, then it makes no sense. Neither does it make sense if the woman is seen as a full human with full rights in marriage, as her husband's full partner and not as his subject. If they're supposed to be garments of each other like the Quran says they are, then they'd work together and decide together what values the kids will hold, what they'll call themselves, how they'll identify themselves, and so on. If we Muslims are going to continue maintaining that the Quran forbids women from marrying all non-Muslim men (when it actually doens't), then we should stop denying that men and women are garments of each other and that women are full humans. What's the point of such beliefs when our practices and actions are the opposite?


Now, obviously, the hadiths would be the one to say that Muslim women simply cannot marry ANY non-Muslim man. In that case, Muslim sources should just stop citing Quranic verse 2:221-- and incomplete, at that -- because that verse forbids women the exact same thing it forbids men.

Conclusion: Either all Muslims--whether men or women--are forbidden from marrying all non-Muslims (whether Jews/Christians or not), or then women are allowed what men are because the Quran never denies women what it explicitly permits men. The only reason Muslim women are taught that they may not marry non-Muslim men (Christians/Jews) is so that they are kept restrained. For God's sake, wake up, women, and study the Quran yourself and ask questions! For how much longer are you going to let others tell you what GOD said when you have equal access to the exact same God today that your rulers do?

117 comments:

  1. THANK YOU! I agree completely with what you are saying and it's incredibly well put.

    I also think I've heard, that with the exception of worship, everything is permitted, unless it is expressly forbidden in the Qur'an (and hadiths some would say).

    Very well put.

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    1. All gods are one one there is no separate gods cause Allah is the only god btw i just recently converted for my Muslim girlfriend who important going to marry someday im 17 and apes 16 is that bad but I've always aceppted Allah as my lord and savoir

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    2. The only purpose of hijab (not mentioning niqaab or burqa) is to dehumanize women and deprive them of their own identity, dignity and voice in the society. They walk as black ghosts without their own face and individuality, as if they didnt exist, mere shadows walking among men. Hijab degrades and humiliates women and is a symbol of them being property of men and of islam. Instead of islam teaching men to grow up and mature and control themselves, it blames women for men's lusts and weaknesses making women awrah - filthy and punishing women for men's problems...very sad.

      no muslim woman would ever wear hijab if it wsnt for islamic manipulation. islam made the lives of women a living hell even aisha said that islam for women is only suffering...

      Jesus came over 600 BEFORE Muhamad and Jesus said who He is (God)and what He came to do (die on the cross for humanity. Thn 600 years after Jesus came Muhamad who lied raped killed, was pedophile and adulterer and denied words of Jesus....

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  2. I will come back and read this in detail. But, I wanted to tell you that this is a very interesting topic for myself as well.

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  3. So, there definitely needs to be a part 2.

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  4. Thanks for the comments, good folks!

    Rukhpar Mor, I am thinking about that . . . the only thing is, I'd be giving more of my own understanding of the prohibition of marriage to atheists and disbelievers in general, and so it won't be credible enough for most Muslims to accept. I might have to then post that entry in my other blog instead of this one, since I want this one to be based on Islam so people can verify whatever they read here. Or maybe I'll post it here and discuss the verses that prohibit such marriages.

    Thanks for reading! :D

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  5. i personally believe that muslim woman should be able to marry christians and jews. I come from a mixed background and my mother was Catholic and my father was Muslim, i think it is double standards that one rule applies to men and another to women.

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    1. really please use your brains ? u have to look at the belief do u believe in Jesus being God or son of God? its like saying why cant a muslim woman have more than on husband there is a wisdom in everything naturally when u get married u take your husbands last name ect!the head of the household is worshiping a human being i can understand if a muslim woman gets to know a muslim man then he converts it is not a double standard
      if u were able to have more than one husband do u think that makes sense use your brains please

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    2. Thanks for your comment, Anonymous!
      "its like saying why cant a muslim woman have more than on husband there is a wisdom in everything naturally when u get married "

      True - so, why Muslim women can't marry more than one husband?

      QUOTE: "naturally when u get married u take your husbands last name ec"

      Naa, there's actually nothing "natural" about taking your husband's last name after marriage. In fact, there are hadiths of the Prophet (pbuh) in which he discourages women from changing their last names after marriage because it's like disowning your family/parents, giving up your birth identity, and adopting someone else's. For more on this issue, please see:
      http://orbala.blogspot.com/2012/01/gender-and-identity-women-changing.html

      Thank you for your contribution to the discussion!

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    3. who are u? lady u have no common sense! actually i should say well i think it is a honor for a muslim lady that only a believing man can marry her! this is an honor not a degrading thing only people have a problem with this is due to their ego about changing the last name i have read this so u are correct on thatit is another honor given to a muslim lady. but lady why would u want to marry a mom muslim man? eats pork worships a human being? if i was a muslim woman who held my deen in high regard i would never want to marry a non muslim man idol worship sucks and tell me where the Prophet PBH said a muslim woman can marry a non muslim if u had children with a non muslim man whose name would they take? your children would take their fathers name or yours? too many people acting too smart. Fatima Az Zahra the daughter of the Prophet PBH did not behave this way and so many muslim women of the Prophets time they were real ladies best of the women and these well i dont know if any ladies of this time could come close to them as a muslim man i am not even fit enough to be the blessed ground on which Lady Fatima walked. so why would u ask a stupid question if a woman can marry more than 1 husband? so if u had 5 husbands and they wanted children with u each would have to wait 9months or more until u have kids with the other all the men can make u pregnant at same time i am not married as yet and finding it hard all i see is people greedy for money, and arrogance there are for sure nice pious humble still . even with high percentage of woman u would think it is easy to get married but it feels like there are not many we live in a time with plenty but it does not feel like that

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    4. Thanks for your perspective, Anonymous!

      Perhaps a Muslim woman might want to (or have to) marry a Christian/Jewish man for the same reason that a Muslim man might want to (or have to) marry a Christian/Jewish woman.

      Clearly, we disagree on what it means to "honor a woman" :)

      Peace to you and all others in this world!

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    5. well the way i see u is that u act like u are too smart yeah maybe if she is not religious? heres the thing whatever Allaah has decreed u cannot change being jealous of what Allaah has ordained to a man is not good Allah has blessed both men and women tell me has there been ever been a female Prophet ? get back to me on that one. yes there has been women awliyaAllah have u ever heard of a female saint being the Qutb al Ghwath? others wise for some of the muslim sisters maybe best solution is to get a sex change.

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    6. Thanks so much for your opinion, Anonymous! It is very much appreciated.

      Peace to you and to the rest of the world!

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    7. u clearly have a lot of knowledge but that's kind of harsh anonymous! well I'm no scholar but one of the reasons a woman can't have two men for marriage is that it encourages the sexual diseases, i'm not going to explain how because one, it may be a bit vulgur and two, i might be wrong. but there is definitely wisdom in the Quran we cannot understand.
      and about msulim women wanting to marry non-Muslim men, i think women have to veil in front of people or at least not get too close to men. and getting close enough to a non-muslim mam that she actually wants to marry him, seems wrong to me.
      im not going to comment on the NEED to marry a non-Muslim man because I clearly don't know anything about what that need could be. and islam has exceptions for everything, well, about everything.
      do correct me if im wrong n sorry if i disrespected any of you.
      assalam o alaikum n jazakallah u khair.

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  6. Acording to my knowledge it is permitted in Islam to mary a christian or jews woman incase who has positive atributions to Islam. In far or near future there is some posibility that she will study, understand and will accept Islam. On the contrary if she is dominant in her faith in knowledge and arguments,and you fear that she will attract and convince you to her religion then it is probiheted to marry a christian and jews woman.
    If we men start marrying Christians and Jews women(who r more beautiful and attractive) what should our Muslim girls do....?
    Children spend more time with their mothers and they can easily convert them into christains or jews....if we mary those women...do u think that we can sustain our muslim generations....?
    Once in the history king Akbar in India tried to make a mixture of religions by marring hindu and christians women and make a new religion...Religion of Akbar...but he was not succeded....!!!!
    Islam is not a mixture of true and false religions...but it is a true and complet religion based on solid and concret pilars...

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  7. Hi, Mastkhela! Pa khair raghley to my blog! Thank you very much for your insight!

    Point One: "According to my knowledge, ..." Ahhh! I request that you support your knowledge with some evidence so I can verify it for myself :) Thank you in advance!

    Point Two: Beauty has no one definition, so when you say that Christian/Jewish women are more beautiful than Muslim, I am inclined to disagree. So, to one person, one group of women is more beautiful than another, but there are certainly many Muslim men who believe Muslim women are more beautiful and they therefore prefer to marry them. Hence, your concern that "What should Muslim women do?" doesn't hold validity in that case.

    Point Three: Where do you get your information from about King Akbar's attempt to unify the Muslims and non-Muslims of his empire? I would love to see those sources, as my knowledge of him is different, and I admire and revere him highly. I long for other Muslim rulers to follow his lead.

    Thanks again for your comment! I deeply appreciate it!

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    1. Slmz

      i am a girl thats been involved with a catholic man for 5 years, he has embraced islam during this time but it struggling to stay comitted to it now, how would you advise us compromising in order to get married and keep the peace with my family who are all staunch muslim?

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    2. assalam o alaikum......
      actually king akbar did try to unify Muslims and Hindus. well, my source is my textbook.... he created deen-e-ilahi... a new religion that was tolerant of all religions in the sub-continent!

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  8. Either all Muslims--whether men or women--are forbidden from marrying all non-Muslims (whether Jews/Christians or not), or then women are allowed what men are because the Quran never denies women what it explicitly permits men. The only reason Muslim women are taught that they may not marry non-Muslim men (Christians/Jews) is so that they are kept restrained.

    Absolutely. This would make things easier when it comes to raising the children; there is no conflict when it comes to inculcating religious instruction.

    In my country, Muslim men cannot marry nonbelievers, even if they are Christians (we do not have Jews here since early WW2). This is by law; so if a Muslim man wishes to marry a non-Muslim woman, she has to convert to Islam. The same goes for women.

    However, the difficulties arise when the Muslim-born partner did not guide the newly converted spouse along the path of righteousness. When there is a divorce, the parental guardianship almost automatically goes to the Muslim parent, as Islam is our official religion. Thus, some of the non-Muslims cry that this is unfair practice. However, familial matters involving Muslims go to the Syariah Court only and so the rigmarole goes on.

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  9. i don t understand..

    so the first verse say do no marry al mushrikun.
    the 2nd verse say, you may marry people of the book

    is thta correct?

    which means,I can't marry al mushrikun (I thought it means polytheist? and not including atheist? or generally disbelievers?)

    but i can marry people from the book (those who receive teachings prior to the time of edition of bible and torah)

    so where does it exactly say that we can?

    and, in certain country the law doesn't permit at all anyone marrying muslim without converting regardless of gender. :(

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    1. hey ......... i m feeling very strange that .....u say mens can marry more than 1 women but women cannot .... even i think women should not marry more than 1 men ... but even men should not get married to another women..... even if he gives a equal rights 2 women .the first lady will not feel good even if his husband is treating him good jst coz of another lady...... men should not hav rights to marry another women unless and until they get divorsed and if even women get divorsed she should hav the rights to mary another guy......
      dont talk about the pregnancy coz mens take advantage of this......they wont get pregnant so they mary more than 1 women....so sad.......

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  10. Interesting perspective and approach. Not sure if you're aware, but in Shi'i fiqh men cannot permanently marry non-Muslim women either.

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  11. Thank you, all, for your comments! I'm sorry for the delayed response! Let's hope it won't happen again :)

    @ Bi_ithnillah: Yes, a teacher of mine told me that once. What I don't know yet, though, is whether Shi' Muslim women can temporarily marry non-Muslim men. Thanks for dropping by and contributing :)

    @ Sunze: That's good to hear - that the law is fair, for the most part, for both women and men. It's unfortunate, though, that the guardianship right has to go only to the Muslim. Would that be Indonesia, if you don't mind my asking? Thanks again for your contribution!

    @ Anonymous: Thank you for dropping by and commenting! Is "we" in your comment referring to men or to women? I thought, or at least I hoped, I clarified that in the post, but it's possible I didn't. Basically, the Qur'an doesn't tell Muslim women they *cannot* marry People of the Book, but it does say they cannot marry the "mushrikeen." The Qur'an tells men they cannot marry the "mushrikeen," but it says they can marry the People of the Book. My point was that the Qur'an doesn't say we "can't" do it, which means that no one else has any right to tell us that we can't, if God Himself didn't do it. It only clearly says for men to do it - not that women can't do it.

    About what "mushrik" means, I'm not sure if the scholars have a consensus on whether it includes atheists and disbelievers along with polytheists or not. But it's been understood generally that a mushrik is not a monotheist.

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  12. Oh, and, Fatima, sorry I didn't see your comment till just now :) Thank you for your input! I agree with you that it's double standards.

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  13. Allah specifically mentioning "women" of the People of the Book implies that the permission ONLY applies to men marrying such women. Otherwise, Allah would have said to marry chaste "people" of the People of the Book.

    An explanation for this is that obedience to the husband is compulsory in Islam. A Muslim husband will not order the non-Muslim wife to do any bad things. However, a non-Muslim husband will order the Muslim wife to live according to his culture (mixing with men, going to parties), resulting in much conflict in the household if she refuses. She will have to disobey almost everything if she wants to maintain her faith.

    The issue of the faith of the children is also very important. Since the wife generally moves in with the husband, it means the children will be raised in a non-Muslim household - it will be very hard to raise the children Muslim.

    Muslim men can marry non-Muslim women because through this marriage the non-Muslim woman can be guided towards Islam while living in a Muslim environment. We do not expect non-Muslim husbands to be guided to Islam through their wives while living in a non-Muslim environment.

    Regardless of all these reasons, the specific mention of "women" in 5:5 means that the permission is only specific to one gender, unlike other commands where a neutral gender is used.

    Why do you want the Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men? Do you think it is freedom? It is not freedom. It would be an imprisonment for them to do so. You have misunderstood the concept of freedom, thinking that it applies to doing harmful things also. Islam does not give permission/freedom to do harmful things.

    You have also misunderstood the concept of equality of gender. Women and men are not the same in Islam - different rules apply to them because of their innate differences, even if they are equal in faith.

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    1. Bollocks u guys are just a bunch of male chauvinist pigs. If it is good for men then. It must surely be good for women. Look how easy it is for your women to be kept like slaves and how easy it is for you muslim guys to divorce your wives, is it three times - you guys are just randy bastards and you use the Quran to achieve your dirty deeds.you make your rules up as you go.

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  14. Salaam, Jafar!
    Thank you so much for dropping by and offering your valuable input! God reward you for your time! :)

    I particularly like your last point - i.e., that I have misunderstood the concept of equality of gender - so, let's talk about it. What does equality mean according to Islam? And when you answer, please remember to provide Qur'anic verses to support your comment. Also, what do you think I understand equality as? I mean, what in my post (or any of my other writings) suggests that I think equality means same looks and physiology and so on? Because I have yet to find anyone deny that women and men are physiologically different.

    Thanks again for your comment!

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  15. Oh, and, speaking of providing Qur'anic verses to support your points, I also am interested to know where in Islam God tells us that women are to be obedient to their husbands. This is such a common idea among so many Muslims, but I wonder if anyone actually know where they're getting this from ... and, of course, why it is so that women must obey their husbands. I mean, why (IF it is indeed so that Islam requires women to be obedient to their husbands)?

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  16. In mainstream Islam man and women who are Muslims do marry not out side
    logic

    I will only marry a Muslim because logically Muslim women reads the Quran and I do not follow brackets because there are not in the original verse of that Quran not that hard
    that what a quranists are true Muslim we do not follow translations blindly and we will not follow what man says and also Arabs r fake Muslim because Allah mocks Arabs (9.97 to 9.101) in Quran

    Well I marry outside Islam? No because I am believer by heart not mouth
    Not only that what verse of the Quran do u follow
    Muslim woman is people of the book not others
    And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al Mushrikun (atheists) till they believe (in Allah Alone)” (Al-Baqarah: 221)
    Let me correct u on the translation
    And give not in marriage to Al Mushrikun till they believe (in Allah Alone)” (Al-Baqarah: 221)
    Al Mushrikun means who does not follow Allah and Quran
    Christens
    Jews
    People who have no religion
    People who do pagan worship
    At the end of the day if he is not Muslim they are not for u LOGIC
    So Muslim person is the only person who follows Quran which means he will read namaz because the namaz is in the Quran.

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    1. Umm you don't follow brackets but then how do you know what Al Mushrikun means? You defined it as Allah and Quran. Someone else can define it as just 1 God. So you think what you want and we think what we want. You can't tell someone what to do. Allah knows best.

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  17. Hi, there "----"!
    Thanks for dropping by and giving your feedback!

    I'm interested more in what the Qur'an's take on marriage between Muslims and non-Muslims is, so whether someone would do it or not is not a concern for me. I am all for it for my friends, but whether I'd marry a non-Muslim, I highly doubt it. Heck, I wouldn't even marry a non-Pashtun or someone who doesn't speak my language and doesn't understand my culture and values--and hence me.

    As for your belief that the Qur'an mocks Arabs, I strongly disagree. How could that ever be possible when the Prophet (pbuh) himself was an Arab? I strongly believe both verses that you've offered as evidence need to be read in a context, which I don't know right now, but the second verse you gave (9:101) makes it very specific that it's "some of the Arabs among you" (i.e., not all Arabs, or not just any Arab). And that's not a translation/interpretation/parenthetical issue. The Arabic reads: Wa min man hawlakum min al-A'raab (= and among those around you from the Arabs). I'd therefore be very careful when making a conclusion, especially if it's something that "God" or the Qur'an is saying against a certain race.

    Thanks again!

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  18. Hello Everyone. This is a wonderful topic that had alot of people puzzled(including myself lol)Well I did some reasearch and here's what I found out: This IS NOT the only verse in the Qur'an that talks about this issue. There are atleast two that I know of that (straight up)forbids both men & women from marrying the "muskrikeen". One of them being the Aya's Above. The other: حرم الله عز وجل المرأة المسلمة على الكافر، بحيث لا تقوم هذه الآصرة حق قيامها إلا من خلال الرجل المسلم ذي أهلية تحمل أمانة الوفاء بهذا الميثاق الغليظ: {يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِذَا جَاءكُمُ الْمُؤْمِنَاتُ مُهَاجِرَاتٍ فَامْتَحِنُوهُنَّ اللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ بِإِيمَانِهِنَّ فَإِنْ عَلِمْتُمُوهُنَّ مُؤْمِنَاتٍ فَلَا تَرْجِعُوهُنَّ إِلَى الْكُفَّارِ لَا هُنَّ حِلٌّ لَّهُمْ وَلَا هُمْ يَحِلُّونَ لَهُنَّ }16
    بهذه الآية الكريمة يكون اشتراط الإسلام في الرجل كي يكون أهلا للزواج من المسلمة ثابتا ثبوتا قطعيا بنص الكتاب. ولئن جادل بعضهم بمحاولة تأويل قوله تعالى( وَلاَ تُنكِحُواْ الْمُشِرِكِينَ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنُواْ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ أُوْلَـئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ وَاللّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ ) 17
    In my opinion the word "Mushrikeen" in Quran refers to polytheist and atheist as well. 'Cause anyone who doesn't believe in the ONENESS of Allah(arabic for God) is not considered a believer & that of course includes those who believe in the (Trinity). I'll post these Ayats from the qura'an below & I hope someone would volunteer to translate it for everyone else to understand. It's written in Arabic and explains in details why marrying "mushkrikeens" is forbiden for women in Islam.

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  19. Thanks for dropping by and commenting, Anon!

    So, marriage to mushrikeen is forbidden only for women? Or for men, too, according to the verses I've posted above?

    Also, can you please provide the verse and chapter number of that verse, please? Thanks!

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  20. Interesting article Serenity.

    @Jafar
    I had to respond to Jafar's comments regarding women's Islamic duty to obey her husband.

    1. "Obedience to the husband is compulsory in Islam". Where does it state that it is 'compulsory' for a woman to obey an entity that is not Allah? Your comment implies a lack of intelligent thinking on the woman's part so her actions have to be guided by her husband's. I believe we should move past this line of thinking. A woman's obedience to a man violates her spiritual duty to her Creator. She acts accordingly, ISLAMICALLY, based on her reasoning and interpretation. A man, a person should not interfere with this.

    2. Faith can be a negative issue yes but only if you make it so. I know of various multi-faith pairings who lead happy, satisfied lives and some of them even have children. Remember, rearing a child in a wholly Islamic environment doesn't necessarily render them a Muslim. They could easily reject the faith later in life. And those who were atheist, Buddhist, Christian etc find themselves gravitating towards Islam. How does that work? If you can find statistics to counter my point I would be more than happy to read.

    3. "You have misunderstood the concept of freedom", I don't believe the author has misunderstood the concept of freedom. Freedom is not freedom if you are oppressed. Oppressed in your attire, your behaviour, your sexuality etc. Therefore claiming that Muslim women can only marry Muslim men and marrying outside the faith is a form of imprisonment for the woman does not wash with me I'm afraid. You say that the passage in question only applies to men? Therefore what you're saying is that Islam is only for men and women have to obey according to MEN's interpretations of Islam.

    4. You're right. Women and men are not the same. They are different. But that difference should not be used to repress women, instead it should be celebrated and permeated in society (the freedom of oppression includes welcoming LGBT Muslims).

    Salaams

    You have also misunderstood the concept of equality of gender. Women and men are not the same in Islam - different rules apply to them because of their innate differences, even if they are equal in faith.

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  21. Salaam, Anonymous!

    Thank you for your comment! I wonder the same things, especially with regards to women and obedience to husbands. There's nothing in the Qur'an that suggests that, although there are some questionable (most likely unauthentic) hadiths that do state that women must obey their husbands, especially sexually. In fact, the *sole* purpose of the dower (given by the husband to the wife - optional according to the Qur'an) is for the husband to own his wife sexually as long as they're married. And that means sexual obedience. Whether that was the intended, divine purpose of the dower or not, there's nothing in the Qur'an that suggests women should obey their husbands. Husbands should be our partners with whom we stand shoulder-to-shoulder; they should not be and are not our gods or in any way deserving of "obedience." Otherwise, you're suggesting that women are their husbands' slaves, which even those Muslims who claim women should obey their husbands will deny.

    Thanks for your comments, everyone :) Be blessed!

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    1. Its pathetic how a literate person will behave illiterately, @Zufash, I'd like you to know that the Quran was revealed to prophet Muhammad, it can't be directly translated and understood, they fool may think it contains contradiction but the truth is, when you weigh what the Quran says and the type of life the prophet lived together with the sahabahs we would find a better understanding of the Quran. so whenever you have any mis undastanding concerning a certain islamic issue, check out how the sahabahs lived with it, that way I assure you a better understanding of everything islamic. please always do that otherwise you are close to asking yourself "why do i believe in Allah"? and then you'd be the greatest of those who have lost their lives.

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  22. Salaam, Mr. Nasir!
    Thank you for your input!
    Well, actually, the Qur'an isn't the problem -- in fact, the Qur'an doesn't contribute much to Islamic law, neither do the sahabas :)(Discussed here: http://islam-and-gender.blogspot.com/2012/03/islamic-law-and-women-part-i.html) It's the scholars and jurists of early and medieval Islam who have determined much of Islam for us.

    I understand the difficulty of translating the Qur'an, but that's not the point of this discussion. Feel free to enlighten us of the "better understanding" of the issue of marriage in Islam, which is the point of this discussion.

    Thanks again!

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  23. @Zufash Quran 60:10 say "O ye who believe! when there come to you Believing women refugees, examine them, Allah knows best as to their faith: if ye ascertain that they are believers, then send them not back to the unbelievers. they are not lawful for the unbelievers, nor are the (unbelievers) lawful for them.............to the end of the verse.

    if you should examine this verse carefully, you are gonna come up with the conclusion that the Quran here is trying to make people like you and I understand that believing women are not lawful for believing men in all ways. what other explanation do you then require if this isn't enough?????

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  24. Very simple, Mr. Nasir: context. I'll explain this in a minute, but first, understand that this debate isn't about "believing vs unbelieving" women: it's about People of the Book, ahl al-kitab, which means the Jews and Christians. Again, the Qur'an makes it very clear that Muslim men can marry Christian and Jewish women, but it never -- and I repeat never -- says anywhere that Muslim women CAN or CANNOT marry Jewish or Christian men.

    As for unbelieving women and men, the Qur'an prohibits marriage to the disbelievers/unbelievers/mushrikeen (polytheists, atheists, agnostics, whoever else this category might include) for BOTH women and men. When there's something in the Qur'an that's prohibited for both women and men, I don't bother with it; when it's something permitted to one gender but forbidden to another, then I bother with it.

    So, if the women refugees mentioned in verse 60:10 were women from the People of the Book (Christians or Jews), I'd say that the Qur'an clearly states that Muslim women can't marry Christian or Jewish men. But because it's "unbelieving" men that the Qur'an forbids them marriage to, it's not relevant to this discussion.

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  25. Nonetheless, if verse 60:10 had said not to let them return to their Christian/Jewish husbands, I'd look at the context. Consider the following.

    Does the word "refugees" not make you pause? Does the phrase "examine them" not make you wonder what exactly it's referring to, what "examine them" even means, why it's there? It certainly made me paused when I first read it.

    Take a look at the context in which the verse was revealed, according to Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 50, Number 874.

    Narrated Marwan and al-Miswar bin Makhrama:

    (from the companions of Allah's Apostle) When Suhail bin Amr agreed to the Treaty (of Hudaibiya), one of the things he stipulated then, was that the Prophet should return to them (i.e. the pagans) anyone coming to him from their side, even if he was a Muslim; and would not interfere between them and that person. The Muslims did not like this condition and got disgusted with it. Suhail did not agree except with that condition. So, the Prophet agreed to that condition and returned Abu Jandal to his father Suhail bin 'Amr. Thenceforward the Prophet returned everyone in that period (of truce) even if he was a Muslim. During that period some believing women emigrants including Um Kalthum bint Uqba bin Abu Muait who came to Allah's Apostle and she was a young lady then. Her relative came to the Prophet and asked him to return her, but the Prophet did not return her to them for Allah had revealed the following Verse regarding women:

    "O you who believe! When the believing women come to you as emigrants. Examine them, Allah knows best as to their belief, then if you know them for true believers, Send them not back to the unbelievers, (for) they are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers, Nor are the unbelievers lawful (husbands) for them (60.10)
    Narrated 'Urwa: Aisha told me, "Allah's Apostle used to examine them according to this Verse: "O you who believe! When the believing women come to you, as emigrants test them . . . for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (60.10-12) Aisha said, "When any of them agreed to that condition Allah's Apostle would say to her, 'I have accepted your pledge of allegiance.' He would only say that, but, by Allah he never touched the hand of any women (i.e. never shook hands with them) while taking the pledge of allegiance and he never took their pledge of allegiance except by his words (only)."

    So, in case I haven't made my point clear, the Qur'an distinguishes between People of the Book and Disbelievers/Unbelievers, and it forbids Muslim men to marry disbelieving women until the women believe, in the same way that it forbids Muslim women to marry disbelieving men until the men believe (I've discussed this above in this post).

    Thanks again for your contribution!

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  26. Perhaps you don't get the real defination of the word 'kuffaar' or 'kafir'. Quran 18:102 says 'do the unbelievers think they can take my servants as protectors besides Me? Verily we have prepared hell for the unbelievers for (their) entertainment.. Here Quran didn't distinguish the jews and christains frm the pagans, rather it generalizd them and if we look clearly, the verse looks more like it is talking about christians that take Jesus as their savior but yet the Quran here calls them unbelievers. An unbeliever is an unbeliever!

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  27. I understand that, but then I'd like to hear your explanation for why on the one hand, the Qur'an forbids marriage to "unbelievers" (whoever they are, but let's assume that includes Christians and Jews), but on the other hand states that marriage to Christian and Jewish women is permitted. How do you explain this?

    It's one of those verses that most Muslims are quick to dismiss as "inapplicable" despite their claim that all Qur'anic verses for all times and all societies.

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  28. Zufash it baffles me how you claim being a musliimah but at the same time you question the laws of the Qur'an. I am starting to have this crazy thought that you perhaps isn't a muslimah buh nonetheless, have you ever heard of nasukh and mansukh? I bet yes, then its ma pleassure to explain to you that part of the mercy of Almighty Allah, He sends down a verse and afterward put it in a more better way coz we are humans and accept things more better when they come slowly. I can remember the earlier verse concerning the taking of wine was just telling the muslims not to attend to prayers while in a state of intoxication. afterward, the Muslims were told to abstain from it totally. the case here is somehow similar. Muslims in general (females/males) were not allowed to marry unbelievers but afterward, as part of the mercy of Allah, he send a more better verse making a better explanation of the case, allowing only men to marry only from the chaste women of the people of the book knowing themselves people of the book are unbelievers.

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  29. I would advise against deciding whether someone's a Muslim or not solely because they express disagreement with you on a certain issue. I'd remind you to bear in mind that perhaps -- just perhaps -- I am playing the "devil's advocate" here and sharing with you a perspective that not necessarily my own (that I might personally disagree with) but that I think many Muslims aren't well-informed about or don't want to understand.

    So, here's how I understand this according to both perspectives (i.e. the perspective discussed in this blog post and the perspective provided by you (and a couple of other commentators above):

    PERSPECTIVE 1 (P1): Muslims generally believe that women are not allowed to marry Christian or Jewish men (People of the Book) but that Muslim men can marry Jewish and Christian women.

    PERSPECTIVE 2 (P2): Yes. That's correct. Because the Qur'an forbids women to marry disbelievers.

    P1: Not quite. The Qur'an forbids BOTH women and men from marrying the disbelievers.

    P2: Yes.

    P1: So... but the Qur'an permits men to marry Christian and Jewish men, while never forbidding the same to women.

    P2: Yes, it forbids it because it says they can't marry disbelievers.

    P1: But the Qur'an doesn't deem the Christians/Jewish disbelievers exactly. For example, it permits us to eat their foods and marry their women. It just never says that women CANNOT marry their men while it makes it clear that men can.

    P2: That's because they're disbelievers, and marriage to disbelievers isn't permissible.

    P1: ... it's not permissible just to women or to men, either?

    P2: To both.

    P1: No. The People of the Book in that context are not included among the disbelievers; it is the mushrik/polytheists that verse refers to. And, yes, the Christians may be considered polytheists because of their belief in the Trinity, but the Qur'an still permits marriage with them, clearly for men but not necessarily forbidding it for women.

    P2: The Qur'an forbids marriage to ALL disbelievers, and Christians and Jews are considered disbelievers by the Qur'an.

    P1: ... Then why does it permit marriage with Christians/Jews if they are disbelievers?

    P2: Because God felt like making such an exception for men. It's prohibited for women but permitted for men.

    P1: But it's "NOT" prohibited for women; it never states that women can't marry Jewish and Christian men.

    P2: Yes, it does. It states clearly that women can't marry disbelievers.

    P1: ...

    Do you see how circular it gets, Mr. Nasir?

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  30. yeah now I got it, I have to say am sorry for questioning your belief, the problem is where someone of same religious with you starts questioning the orders of the Almighty, it gets to feel like the other is a "devil's advocate" as you put it. next time when discussing issues like this I would like you to be indifferent or rather take the issue to more learned people to give you the way out before writing about it and giving the solution all at once coz its gonna save you the problem of making someone of minor belief believe that what u are arguing upon is indeed on your side. thanks once again for understanding and hope you are gonna make it clear to someone who has same understanding of the issue with you in the future.

    NB: it would do a great deal of help on your side if you stop writing as though you are anti-Islam.

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  31. Thanks for your suggestion, Mr. Nasir! Though I don't see what's anti-Islamic about anything I've said thus far on this blog. As a student of Islam, I can assure you that there's a huge difference between being anti-Islamic and anti-status quo, and the status quo is not always in sync with Islam. Feel free to see here: http://islam-and-gender.blogspot.com/2012/03/islamic-law-and-women-part-i.html

    Hence, I don't consider myself to be speaking against Islam - I believe I'm speaking for Islam, in fact. But I'm certainly speaking against a particular interpretation of Islam that I find is unjust although it happens to be mainstream and supported by popular opinion. And, again, popular opinion rarely = Islamic.

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  32. The question is, would you marry a non-muslim man, and why?

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    1. Possibly because many of us live in countries with less muslim men as opposed to non-muslim? Also maybe because many muslim men are muslim by name but dont follow their own faith or deen at all. They rather follow what their mom who follow their social circles standards not their deen. Hence many girls, esp in the West get left for girls back home. This leads to us having to resort of other options even if we dont want too. Many of us would love to marry a muslim man but if they dont want to marry us , not because we arent Islamic. Many of us are, many girls in the west have no had previous relationships and very pious yet Muslim men and their moms, judge just because we grew up here, we must be corrupt. Now what are we supposed to do when we are incorrectly and so harshly judged? Lets not even get started on how they want a doctor, anything else isnt good enough. THIS is the muslim men we are supposed to marry? Really?
      The Quran isnt talking about non-MUSLIM, its talking about non- BELIEVER. If a non muslim man believes in God, isnt he a believer, just not muslim? Alot of muslim men arent even muslim themselves! MANY non-muslim people do believe in ONE God and are supportive and accepting of the wife and her faith in todays world. Yes, back in the day Middle eastern societies had the man as the leader, today we are more of a team and kids spend more time with a mom and her influence. No non Muslim wife can raise her kids Muslim(unless she converts). So its a double standard that doesnt even make sense if todays time.

      I dont think that it should be judged by anyone. If you can follow your faith and raise your kids muslim, it shouldnt matter. There are many NON MUSLIM men who are righteous then our own Muslim men.

      Personal note - I am still hoping to find a Muslim guy to marry, I still would prefer that but age does play a big part and after a while I wont be considered by any Muslim guy. Thats when this comes in and I am glad Islam is flexible. Its not like I am choosing to marry outside of our faith for fun. I do end up having to marry non-muslim, I will make sure to not lose my faith and teach it to my kids.

      Pia

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  33. Hi, Ira! Thanks for dropping by and commenting!

    Can you explain why that should be a question at all, let alone an important one? Because I don't think that should be a question at all in debates that are tied solely to text/scripture - because this isn't about me or you or any other individual. It's not a personal matter; one shouldn't argue for or against something for one's own personal interests. So this has nothing to do with whether or not *I* as a Muslimah would want to marry a non-Muslim man (and even if it did, I wouldn't make it a public matter at all). This is instead about a law we're *falsely told* is derived from the Qur'an when it is not. And the question isn't about just ANY non-Muslim men: it's very specific to Christian and Jewish men only. I don't contest, and neither am I interested in discussing, marriage of Muslims to polytheists for example, because that, according to the Qur'an, is forbidden to *both* men and women. It's when something's forbidden to one but permissible for another that I feel the need to question and think.

    Nonetheless, why not also ask "Would you marry a Muslim man and why?" And your leaving out the question of "would you marry a Muslim man and why?" implies that one (at least a Muslim female) would by default choose or want to marry a Muslim man and she doesn't have to defend or explain that choice, but if she wants/chooses to marry a non-Muslim man, she would have to explain/defend it. Why, though?

    Thanks again for dropping by!

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  34. I'm a praticant Christian.... I'm believe in ONE GOD and I'm not polytheist. I will marrie a woderful muslim IN NAME OF GOD . PERSON SAYING CHRISTIAN MAN CAN'T MARRIE MUSLIM GIRLS IN NAME OF QURAN HAVE A GREAT RESPONSIBILTY IN FRONT OF GOD.

    I BELIEVE IN THE GOD OF LOVE. ONE GOD ... AND I HAD THE BOOK BEFORE ISLAM AS THE QURAN SAYS.

    PLS STOP IN STOPPING LOVE

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    1. Thank you for your response, Christian Guy!
      I believe in a God who is full of love as well!

      Delete
  35. Question :

    if we(woman) want to marry a non-muslim man, Does The Non-Muslim Man Have To COnvert to Muslim?

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    1. Thank you for your question, Akane.
      This question has been answered in the above post; please refer to it for your answer at your convenience.

      Thanks again!

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  36. Salam , please keep in mind that the following points apply to BOTH Muslim men and women.

    I think the main obstacle for this type of interfaith marriage to occur is that parents will teach their children from a young age that “boyfriend-girlfriend” is completely haram. Which means its highly unlikely for a muslimah go to out on dates with men. Also verse17.32 clearly states that Muslims should not even come close to zina(adultery).

    My main concern is that the majority Muslim sisters who want marry Christian/Jewish spouses are already committing grave sin by being in a haram relationship and breaking Allah(swt) law in verse 17.32. In other words I think its unrealistic for a Muslimah who is not engaged in this type of haram relationship to accept a marriage proposal from Christian/Jewish man.

    Bottom line is would you agree with me that boyfriend-girlfriend relationship between Muslimah and Christian/Jewish man is completely haram?

    In Surah An-Nur v.24.3Allah(swt) said that an adulterer/mushrik may only marry an adulteresses/mushrikah-and they are forbidden for Muslims.

    My question is how many non muslim men commit adultery before marriage?
    From my own personal experience of where I live(Australia) I would say the majority of non muslim men commit adultery. The scary thing is they commit this horrible crime while still teenagers and by the time they reach University/college you would be considered a “freak” if you haven’t had premarital sex.

    I have also found this study to backup my argument
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17236611

    I just want to point out that its actually v. 9.31 not v. 9.30 that speaks about people of the book practising polytheism.

    I was a bit confused about you last post to Ira, do you believe that the people of the book are mushrikun? Yes or No.

    If yes why are still insisting that the Quran does not forbid this type of marriage. A Christian/Jew is no less of a mushrik than a Hindu.

    If No then how would you re-interpret v. 5.72-73. v 9.30-32.

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    1. Thank you for your points, e=mc2!

      As long as a ruling applies to BOTH women and men, it's all good.

      QUOT: "I was a bit confused about you last post to Ira, do you believe that the people of the book are mushrikun? Yes or No. If yes why are still insisting that the Quran does not forbid this type of marriage. A Christian/Jew is no less of a mushrik than a Hindu"

      I thought this is explained in the above post, but I'll clarify:
      The Qur'an forbids marriage to polytheists but does not seem to consider "People of the Book" as polytheists. Otherwise, why would it permit marriage to them, right?

      It doesn't matter whether *I* think the People of the Book are mushriks or not; it matters only what the Qur'an seems to suggest.

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    2. "Otherwise, why would it permit marriage to them, right?"

      Thank you for your clarification but may I remind you when Allah(swt) makes things halal/haram it is for our own benefit even though we may dislike it and we should say “We hear and obey”. Also in surah Yasin Allah(swt) said
      “His command is only when He intends a thing that He says to it, "Be," and it is.”36.82

      Allah(swt) has made it very clear in 5.5 that Muslim men are allowed to marry chaste Christian/Jewish women, the reason why….no body knows except the Most Merciful.
      But what we do know is
      A: Prophet Mohammed (pbuh), his wife Aisha(as) the most knowledgeable of the Quran and scholars of Islamic studies in the past 1400 years have never said that its permissible for a Muslimah to marry a Christian/Jewish man.
      B: A minority of Imams/scholars in the west and some Muslim feminists are reinterpreting the Quran to suggest that it is halal for a Muslima to marry a Jewish/Christian man.
      C: If we compare Islamic knowledge of from people in group A with people with in group B most Muslims would conclude that group A is more authentic and therefore more correct than Group B. But group A can still be wrong provided that Group B shares with us EVIDENCES from Quran or hadith to support their argument. If by a miracle group B was able to provide some EVIDENCES then every Muslim will ask themselves “why did it take 1400 years for these feminists to figure out, ummm something does not seem right”

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    3. "It doesn't matter whether *I* think the People of the Book are mushriks or not; it matters only what the Qur'an seems to suggest."

      Exactly!! The verses in Chapters 5 and 9 in the last sentence of my first post clearly state that people of the book are mushrikun. But some Muslim feminist and 21st century Islamic scholars are still insisting that Muslimah should be able to marry a Mushrik(Christian/Jewish man) which is fine that is their opinion. However families of Muslim women are asking these Feminists and scholars is to provide DALEEL/EVIDENCE from the Quran/Hadith to support their argument. Because if their new reinterpretation is wrong then Muslim women in these types of marriages are either adulteresses or mushrikat/polytheists women (from 24.3) and on judgement day their punish for committing adultery/polytheism will be doubled(25.68-69).

      The obvious answer is these feminists and scholars do not have any evidence to support their argument so they came up with 2 popular arguments

      A) "People of the book are not mushrikun because Muslim men are allowed to marry their women and Islam is about equality so muslimahs should also be allowed to marry Christian/Jewish'.Counter-argument is lets assume they are right and ask them what are they going to do about verses 5.72-73 and 9.30-32, are they simply going to ignore them , what is their new interpretation of these verses? Another argument is does this mean Christian/Jewish partners of muslimahs are allowed to enter Mecca because verse 9.28 states that mushrikun are forbidden to enter the Holy city. I am sure most feminist/scholar will answer “no Christian/Jewish husbands are not allowed to enter Mecca" , so why the double standards when it comes to marriage laws in the Quran.

      B)"Times are changing therefore we should change marriage laws of the Quran to suit the 21st century. Counter argument is what makes them sure that what they your are doing is not bidah/innovation because this sort of marriage was never practised by early muslimahs during prophet Mohammed’s time unless there is EVIDENCE to suggest otherwise. Also in chapter 18 v27 “And recite what has been revealed to you (O Muhammad SAW) of the Book (the Quran) of your Lord (i.e. recite it, understand and follow its teachings and act on its orders and preach it to men). None can change His Words, and none will you find as a refuge other than Him”. .
      The above ayah is clear that it is unwise for Imam/scholar to issue a fatwa and say “ its halal for a muslimah to a Christian/Jewish man” because most Muslims would consider this as change in Allah words unless he provides EVIDENCE to support his argument which will most likely be rejected anyway.

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    4. Thank you so very much for your opinion, E=mc2! I'm grateful for your contribution to the discussion.

      Delete
  37. here are the verses from my previous post

    And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him).17.32

    The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a Mushrikah and the adulteress none marries her except an adulterer or a Muskrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely he is either an adulterer, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater, etc.) And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress, etc.)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)24.3

    They (Jews and Christians) took their rabbis and their monks to be their lords besides Allah (by obeying them in things which they made lawful or unlawful according to their own desires without being ordered by Allah), and (they also took as their Lord) Messiah, son of Maryam (Mary), while they (Jews and Christians) were commanded [in the Taurat (Torah) and the Injeel (Gospel)) to worship none but One Ilah (God - Allah) La ilaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He). Praise and glory be to Him, (far above is He) from having the partners they associate (with Him)."9.31

    Mushin Khan translations http://quran.com/9

    ReplyDelete
  38. Dear Zufash,
    I strongly agree with you and I especially praise you for what you said in your conclusion: '' The only reason Muslim women are taught that they may not marry non-Muslim men (Christians/Jews) is so that they are kept restrained. For God's sake, wake up, women, and study the Quran yourself and ask questions! For how much longer are you going to let others tell you what GOD said when you have equal access to the exact same God today that your rulers do? ''.
    I support your opinion on this and I think this is such an important issue that we as Muslim women need to address more often. There are many practices in our Muslim and Arab societies that are simply unfair to women and are underlined as Islamic rules even though they are not. It is our role as women to be more aware of this injust situation and try to do something to change it. I am very passionate about this matter and it saddens me so much to see women accepting this kind of treatment without any questioning. Islam is not only misunderstood in the west but it is also misinterpreted by many many Muslims mainly men who use religion to oppress women. I could go on and on about this, but for now I will stop here. Much respect to you for writing things and for reclaiming your brain and I wish that more Muslim women would take such a stand. God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your response, Anonymous!
      I agree it's an extremely important topic but few are talking about it, especially women and especially women in Christian-majority/Western countries. Because many of them are unable to find compatible single Muslim husbands, they turn to polygamy because they are told that marriage to Christian/Jewish men is haraam.

      Fortunately, more Imams and other important leaders are standing up and realizing that this issue is too serious for us to simply dismiss it as haraam, and even if it IS haraam, we need to evaluate today's circumstances to decide how to deal with the problem. Hence, Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf (Imam of the Ground Zero mosque in New York) writes in his book "Moving the Mountain: Beyond Ground Zero to a New Vision of Islam in America" that it's permissible for Muslim women to marry Christian/Jewish men. Gotta appreciate and love his reasoning as well.

      Thanks again!

      Delete
  39. what about marrying a hindu?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. According to the Qur'an, marriage to polytheists/mushriks is prohbited for Muslims, both women and men. I've give verses in the above post to support this guideline.

      However, some scholars/Muslims believe that "People of the Book" is not just for Christians and Jews but also includes any religious groups who have a Sacred Book, hence including the Hindus. However, this is not a popular argument, certainly not the majority opinion.

      Delete
  40. No one here has mention the difference between people of the book and "new testament trinitarians'

    Muslim men even today should be very careful in looking at these so called "Christian" women in America. they are NOT women of Tawhid

    The scholars whom I have seen asked about this matter say clearly that modern
    day christians who think Isa ( AS) is the son of Allah and that Allah is party to some triaxial godhead along with Isa and " the 'holy spirit"
    and have taken boyfriends / lovers in the past are are NOT permissible to marry.. period!!

    it is theoreticaly possible to find some Christian women perhaps in Syria and a few other places who practice Tawhid and reject the trinity and keep Chaste until marriage but as a practical Matter We brother are much better off going straight to the muslim sisters when looking for wives.


    @ the sister who does not accept that Muslima's cant marry non muslim men bring forth one authentic hadith where the prophet(saw) or the Sahhaba or the Tabiein permitted/ aprroved it during their time.

    My Sister think!!..your "marriage" to a non muslim man will force you to be a Defiant with or a sinful muslima

    He WILL ask you to Shake hands with his Boss

    He WILL expect you to attend Mixed gatherings where there is Alcohol being consumed and non married people involved in the many parts of Zina.
    ( that do not include actual intercourse)

    He WILL Kiss you with the fat of pork still on his mouth or the remnants of beer or "Christian wine" that he enjoys.

    HE WILL NOT Make a proper istingah
    ( WITH WATER) after defacation& urination and call you to his bed for intercourse in that Filthy fecal fettered condition.
    and He will not pay you your Mahr ( Dowry) if he feels its not a "Christian requirement"

    and he WILL have "friendships" with NON marham Females that include platonic Kissing on the cheek and other physical contact.

    He WILL humiliate you sister... Fear Allah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much for your opinion, brother!
      Unfortunately, most of what you've said applies to Muslim husbands as well -- such as their expecting you to shake hands with your boss (and, by the way, many Muslim women themselves choose to do that without being prohibited/permitted so by their husbands), attending/participating in mixed-gender gatherings, not all Muslims pray or perform proper istingjah all the time, etc.

      As for mahr (the dower), I'm not sure if you're aware of this but the ONLY purpose of the dower is for the husband to own his wife's sexuality, or to own her sexually for as long as she's married to him; early scholars, like Imam Shafi', called the mahr "price of the vulva," so knowing this, I don't think all Muslim women are willing to accept mahr when it's basically the price of intercourse or of the control of their sexuality. I can hardly see the merit in or good purpose of mahr for most Muslim women, my dear brother in Islam! :)

      But as long as men, too, are not allowed to marry non-Muslim women, I say it's all fair and dandy, and I'm sure many Muslim women are willing to live with that.

      Peace to you!

      Delete
    2. Oh, yes, as I just mentioned to another of the commentators:

      "Fortunately, more Imams and other important leaders are standing up and realizing that this issue is too serious for us to simply dismiss it as haraam, and even if it IS haraam, we need to evaluate today's circumstances to decide how to deal with the problem. Hence, Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf (Imam of the Ground Zero mosque in New York) writes in his book "Moving the Mountain: Beyond Ground Zero to a New Vision of Islam in America" that it's permissible for Muslim women to marry Christian/Jewish men. Gotta appreciate and love his reasoning as well."

      I urge you to read his book, not because I agree with his beliefs because because he explains the issue very well -- from a realistic point of view, from the point of view of someone who has experience with Muslims involved in this sort of a "problem."

      Thanks again for your input!

      Delete
  41. "I can hardly see the merit in or good purpose of mahr for most Muslim women, my dear brother in Islam! :)"

    I understand ...so you believe that Allah, Lord of the worlds
    was just plain WRONG in his noble book when he commanded:

    ""And give to the women their dowry with a good heart, but if they out of their own good pleasure remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm. " (Al-Nisa4:4)"

    My dear Sister you have placed your personal opinions and the personal opinions of interfaith apologists over that of Allah... this is very close to Kufr.

    Oh btw and weak misguided "muslims" who dont pray" have Apostated According to the messenger of Allah in authentic Hadith in bukhari and are not eligible for muslim women to marry either.

    And lastly No offense, but I dont follow the "interfaith philosophy" of this ground zero "Cultural center" person you mentioned as seems to espouse that the kufr and Shirk of new testament christianity invented by the greek speaking jew Saul of tarsis( later called paul) or Buddism

    is as a Legitimate practice as Muslim Tawhid and Iman
    Like most "interfaith" apologists do in their zeal to please the Kufar

    I invite you to Learn Arabic, Study the Authentic Sunnah of the
    prophet.. May Allah guide& correct you.

    Masalam

    Anabran Abdhul Quarnain

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your response, Zhulqulnain!

      Actually, I explained that the purpose of the dower *according to the Muslim scholars/Islamic law* is for the man to own his wife sexually for the rest of their married life.

      Quranically, however, the dower seems to be a different thing. You see, according to the Qur'an, the wife is not *obligated* to take the mahr (as the verse you've just given clearly states), but according to Islamic law, the woman *has* to accept it. Why? Because if she doesn't accept it, then her husband doesn't get to own her sexuality and own her sexually and he cannot expect her to be available to him for sex *any time he commands it*. Think about this for a moment.

      I suggested (and still suggest very strongly) that you read the book before you make any accusations against the Imam, as he is very well-learned in Islamic thought, the Qur'an, Islamic law, Muslim societies, and Muslims in non-Muslim societies.

      QUOTE: "
      I invite you to Learn Arabic, Study the Authentic Sunnah of the
      prophet.. May Allah guide& correct you."

      That's a beautiful suggestion, except ...I am already and have been studying Arabic--mostly to understand and appreciate Islam better, but also because I love the language. I'm also an Islamic Studies student.

      May Allah guide you as well. In fact, may God guide all of us! I can't think of anyone who doesn't need it, even those who are convinced and assured that they are right and other are wrong, that they know the Religion of God better than others.

      Thanks for your participation in the discussion! Always lovely hearing disagreements.

      Delete
  42. I am a white English Middle class divorced devout atheist male who has always taken an interest in Womens' rights AND gender equality. When our ancient religious books were written I think women were treated as little more than chattels and baby makers thus why would they be written about unless to deny them something? This spans all cultures as far as I know - I presume because men are physically stronger and sadly much more aggressive than women. If the restrictions that are applied to women were to be applied to men they would not last long - imagine playing football with bound feet or a full black cloth covering your whole body - I'd give it 10 minutes max. So good luck to you and your quest for equality, you are, I fear, on a losing wicket. In England there is much discussion on whether women can be made Bishops or not in the the Church of England - there's a good subject for your next battle! Personally I say they would probably make better Bishops than men if the role is one of caring and listening rather than bashing the table and dictating terms. This has not even come up in the Catholic church yet but they have severe problems of their own making - mostly around enforced celibacy and poor management of their bad priests.

    I do think though that anyone who states that their own beliefs are the only true beliefs is wrong and too blinkered for safety. We get our beliefs from our ancestors. They largely got their beliefs as a result of invasion - the winning side gets all remember - and that included the local ladies (the men would be enslaved or killed). Ah now we are back to some comments above about men being allowed to marry who they like.
    I fly to the far east regularly and have noticed how the middle eastern airlines employ their local men but employ non-local women - I absolutely hate hypocrisy like this, they should employ men and women equally. I refused to take work in Dubai recently - my main reason is that I think they treat their women unfairly. My colleague went to give some training in saudia arabia - where the religious police insist that women workers are kept behind curtains and out of sight (how can you work a team like this?) he was obviously shaking hands with all the colleagues there but was warned that he must not even speak to the women. This attitude, perversely, is so good for the non-Moslem world - the Moslem world is wasting 54% of its talented assets - bring it on guys!

    I know one Seikh and one Moslem lady (both English born of immigrants to the UK) at work. They got white English boy-friends - in both cases those boys were beaten up by the girls cousins etc so the girls had to cut themselves off and go anonymously as they were so scared. I cannot understand why these people emigrate and go to another country without accepting there will be differences - I am emigrating from England next year and expect to live by the rules and traditions in that place; as the Australian Prime Minister said to the hundreds of thousands of immigrants they have suffered - no-one asked them to go there, they are welcome and can worship whichever God they choose - but if they dont like it they can leave.

    I recall a muslim should move countries if the country where they are living might damage their religion. I see this as a weakness and a failing - if one is not proud enough of one's religion to say this is my religion and I love it - but I also love you and your religions (religios beliefs are after all a geographical phenomenon) then maybe that religion is not the right one to hold.

    I cannot fathom out the way to publish what is a url? it rejects my email address danecommercial@gmail.com hence anonymous tag

    ReplyDelete
  43. This is an extremely interesting topic. Are people of the book really considered disbelievers in islam? I remember a hadith I read about Prophet Muhammad pbuh going to the seven heavens, where he met the other prophets. Interestingly, when Muhammad pbuh was leaving the sixth heaven, Moses started to cry and when Muhammad pbuh asked him why he was crying. "Moses said 'I weep because after me there has been sent (as Prophet) a young man whose followers will enter Paradise in greater numbers than my followers.' " Now does that not mean that the Jews will also go to heaven? I think what people fail to see is faith. Faith does not have a label. If you believe in one GOD, then u believe in ALLAH. Period. Anyways back to the argument, yeah if they are going to heaven, im sure GOD doesnt see them as disbelievers. And personally no one has a right to judge whose faith is right and wrong that is something only GOD would know. I can pray five times a day, keep all my fast and appear a person of deen. BUT ONLY GOD WOULD KNOW WHAT MY FAITH REALLY IS OR HOW STRONG IT IS. It's all about your intentions, people of all faiths can have good or bad intentions. AND BTW WHY DOES ANYONE GIVE A CARE WHO MARRIES WHO? Seriously you think ALLAH swt will come to you and ask well why did u let the muslim woman marry that non muslim man. We come here alone and we die alone. And at the end, we face ALLAH on our own. So how about people read the Quran and follow it based on there understanding. See religion is between u and GOD. I dont know why people make it a race and community thing. I mean lets be honest no one really gives a damn about anyone aside from talking bad about others or being happy in their misery. Stop thinking u can control your women and children. It's called free will and ALLAH has given it to all humans. Why do you think he asked the angels to bow down to Adam? Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Hi, I personally believe it is best to marry a muslim men like it would be for a christian/jewish woman to marry people that believe in their faith, this is only because it makes life much easier trust me !! However, I agree with the fact that nowhere in the Quran is said that muslim women cannot marry men of the book and although the majority of the scholars seem to have taken a stance in this matter, I would consider their points but I would not blindly follow what they say. In islam you are told to ask questions and think , isn't that how people learn? I feel that when making this type of choices you also need to think of your individual situation. I mean they give you reasons why you shouldn't marry men of the book (that would be my last resort) but does it apply to you? Times have changed, women have changed and probably the reason why nothing is said about muslim women marrying men of the book is that in the past women were not in a position of parity (I d say due to culture) but now things have changed and they have more say in their marriage. Anyway always think that no matter what Only Allah is to judge us and our choices.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Also people are forgetting that if these so called women of the book do exist which they dont, they must be CHASTE VIRGINS if they dont convert before marrying them. Since most if not all non muslim women esp christian and jews arent virgins, unless shes a little girl (dont go there), then these so called muslim men and the non muslim women are in fact in haraam relationships and committing zina and lying about being religious.

    The books and thoughts of christian and jewish women today cant be compared to the times of the prophet pbuh, these women are clearly harram as their holy books and scriptures are corrupted beyond repair, and women will lie to sleep with and be with muslim men and the muslim men do the same so in reality its all about sex and lust and little about religion itself or what god allows and picking verses and interpreting from mens poin of views is a joke!

    Muslims today both men and women should therefore only marry other muslims or genuine converts, not converts theyve been having haraam relations with for months or years and who do fake conversions. Muslim men who also cheat on their wives then marry these impure women again is more to cover the shame and make it ok to continue by faking conversions rather than bring the non muslim woman to islam.

    Basically its male hypocrites trying to control women to satisfy their own haraam lustful desires and legitimise it by quoting out of context. The verse muslims should marry only muslims and even if a non muslim woman is a queen or non muslim man a king, muslims ae still better than the non believers......... this verse can in fact overrule the verse regarding its ok to marry women of the book, making it in fact haraam.

    Its all about interpretation, the scholars who reject the women of the book being present today are thrown out or killed by the saudis and those who run islamic institutions for challenging views. This is so men can continue to fornicate with haraam women, you only need to look at the number of so called muslim men still doing zina with non muslims to see how pathetic this whole idea is that men can be with such women who readily commit haraam with them.

    If the muslim woman had haraam relations with a non muslim man, she would be killed even before him even thinking of converting as per most mens or muslim countries views on islamic law, yet if a muslim man and non muslim woman commit zina they are always in most cases encouraged to wed and then all is bliss for them. Hypocrites!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Also what i dont get is the fact that these 'scholars' and men say there will be more women in hell than men, considering the fact that men do more crimes compared to women and against women than the other way round and sins usually like zina as we see in the world. Also regarding muslim women, they are victims of honour killings, get burned by acid and beaten or abused in cases by muslim men, yet why would women be more in hell than men? Theres something just not right about the way these 'chosen' scholars interpret verses in favour of en when life and fact shows the total opposite to what they claim.

    Seems as a muslim women, you cant win. Never were most muslims esp women brought up knowing this or taught men have the upper hand in all things. There is no doubt that there is a lot of corruption and lying and cover ups going on within islamic teachings and the male leaders and preachers.

    If anything, I think muslim women and non muslim men relationships would help bring about more peace than corruption. Most muslim men and non muslim women end up in divorce and the kids end up non muslim. All a big joke if you look into it.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I LOVE THIS BLOG Mashallah,
    First of all, I agree that the Qur’an does NOT prohibit a muslim woman from marrying a christian or a jewish, the reason why many scholars have confused themselves is because they have not found verses mentioning that its lawful for muslim women to get married to men from the ‘people of the scriptures’ likes it’s mentioned about the men :

    This day [all] good foods have been made lawful, and the food of those who were given the Scripture is lawful for you and your food is lawful for them. And [lawful in marriage are] chaste women from among the believers and chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture before you, when you have given them their due compensation, desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse or taking [secret] lovers. And whoever denies the faith – his work has become worthless, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers. (5:5 Qur’an)

    From this, its natural that the opposite: that is, the Muslim women are also allowed to get married to a Christian or Jewish man because 1. No where in the Qur’an does it explicitly prohibit them to do so, 2, we have to understand that the audience of the Qur’an are males most of the time since we naturally believe that what is mentioned is for both the genders to believe and follow that. So why is it so hard to do the same for the verse above.

    For example the verse that follows the one above reads :

    O you who have believed, when you rise to [perform] prayer, wash your faces and your forearms to the elbows and wipe over your heads and wash your feet to the ankles. And if you are in a state of janabah, then purify yourselves. But if you are ill or on a journey or one of you comes from the place of relieving himself or you have contacted women and do not find water, then seek clean earth and wipe over your faces and hands with it. Allah does not intend to make difficulty for you, but He intends to purify you and complete His favor upon you that you may be grateful. (5:6 Qur’an)

    Just because it says that and I quote ‘or you have contacted women and do not find water, then seek clean earth and wipe over you faces and hands with it’ – does not mean that only men have to wash/clean themselves as instructed before performing prayers , it also applies to women who have been in contact with men, since we naturally believe that it applies to both the sexes in this casse then why should the scholars be bias when it comes to the verse above it????

    In my opinion most of the male Muslim scholars apply their own illogical justifications according to their own convenience.

    ReplyDelete
  48. From www.quran-islam.org :

    Quranic Law regarding

    Marriage to Non-Muslims


    Often the question is posed about the rules for Muslims in marrying non-Muslims. Many scholars have been advocating rules that are in direct violation of God's clear law in the Quran. Sadly, and in male orientated cultures we hear the claim that a Muslim man may marry a woman of other religions (e.g. a Christian or Jewish woman), but a Muslim woman cannot marry except a Muslim man! They explain this obvious male biased innovation by a number of un-Quranic justifications. Some say that this privilege is given to the man because the child takes the religion of his father and not his mother, and thus a Muslim man may marry a non Muslim woman but still have the child raised as a Muslim, while as if a Muslim woman married a Christian man for example, the child would be raised as a Christian.

    But is this what God really decreed for marriage to non-Muslims in the Quran?

    The answer is NO!

    To detail God's law in the Quran let us read the following:

    "Do not (you men) marry idolatresses unless they believe; a believing woman is better than a idolatress, even if you like her. Nor shall you (women) marry idolatrous men, unless they believe. A believing man is better than an idolater, even if you like them." 2:221

    From this verse it is clear that a Muslim man, or Muslim woman are not allowed to marry an idol worshipper, whatever religion they belong to. The Law is clear and it applies to men and women equally.

    On the other hand a Muslim man or a Muslim woman may marry a non Muslim (Christian, Jew or any other) as long as they are monotheist and do not worship idols besides God. The following verse points out the fact that not all non Muslims who are people of the Scripture (Ketab) are idol worshippers:

    "Surely, some followers of the previous scriptures do believe in God, and in what was revealed to you (O Muhammad), and in what was revealed to them. They reverence God and they never trade away God"s Revelations for a cheap price. These will receive their recompense from their Lord. God is the most prompt judge." 3:199

    So to sum up, the criteria in the prohibition of marriage to people who are non Muslim is confined to prohibiting marriage to those among them who are idol-worshippers. Therefore a Muslim man or Muslim woman may marry a Christian, Jew of follower of any other religion as long as they do not practise idol worship. The law here applies to Muslim men and women equally.


    From submission.org :

    Category : Misconceptions about women in Islam (Submission)

    12. Muslim women cannot marry Jewish or Christian men:
    This common misconception is advocated and promoted by men but have no basis in the Quran. Quran gives both men and women the right to marry from the people of the book, i.e. Muslims (Submitters), Jews or Christians. God also reminds us that the marriage to a believer is much better than the marriage to an idolworshiper. See 5:5 and 2:221. See also; Marriage in the Quran, and A Marriage question and answer from the Quran.

    ReplyDelete
  49. *sigh*
    Allah created us all... then why should we differentiate between ourselves?
    Did Allah not create the Christians and Jews and Hindus?
    HE is the creator of ALL things...
    Why did he create Hinduism and have it practiced thousands of years before any of the "Books" were revealed?
    Also HE guides who HE chooses to?
    Why not guide everyone towards our deen?

    ReplyDelete
  50. My girlfriend (who was a muslim) of 2 years left me because she saw no future in regards to us. I believe in sai baba and according to her, many muslims also believe he was there. You can label me a hindu because of that but what matters is what I believed in (I don't believe in dieties). She had always told me that I had more values then her. I didn't go out partying or mingle with girls. On the other hand, she had plenty of guy friends and went out a lot. I had always tried to bring out the best in her. Now she has suddenly become religious on me. Is it fair to do a number of things against islam but then become strict in regards to another aspect of islam? I have searched and searched for an answer as to why it says that in the quran because as far as my gf and I went, I was ready to let her follow her faith and bring up our kids as muslims and i'm someone who sticks by my word. She knew it herself so why exactly does it say this in the quran? Why does it matter what your husband believes in as long as it's not affecting the other and you respect each others religion. I know this is hard to comprehend for some, but it can be done. I did it for 2 years whilst with her. I never, ever forced anything on her. I was brought up in a family who taught me a different way to islam. Why am I being punished for believing something else..? it doesn't make me a bad human being. It's just the way I was brought up. If 'mohammad' was the creator then why doesn't he born us all into muslim families so it guarantees we follow him?

    Oh and her oldest sister ended up marrying a muslim. Who turned out to abuse her and she got beaten up. Now they're divorced and she is single. This just proves to me that what really matters is values and beliefs. Any human being can be evil, even when they are raised in an islamic family and claim to follow islam!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Assalamu Alaikkum...

    I am in love with a guy who is christian. As per our conversation and understanding, we both worship to the same GOD. And most of our beliefs matches. He is a believer.

    He let me do the prayers 5 times a day and he is very much aware of Islam.
    Our parents are against our marriage. His family want me to convert to Christianity and my parents want him to convert to Islam. We are still trying to convince our parents.

    We had already decided to be as we are and not to get converted.
    Its been 6 years we are waiting and our parents don't seem to be agreeing.

    We wont be marrying without our parents permission.
    Not sure if we are wrong, or should separate but we cannot forget each other.
    This post is not for an argument. Just explained our situation. That's it.

    God bless all


    ReplyDelete
  52. Hello!
    I am Greek and i love a Turkish woman. She loves me also but she told me today that we can't be together because of the religion. Because the Quran don't allow us being together..so i started searching on internet about that. When i read this it gave me hopes..like many said,maybe the Turkish women haven't searched very good if they can or not. We are all humans and God is one for all of us that believe in God. I also have to tell that here in Greece most of us haven't any problem with Turkish people. All the problems caused by media and goverments only. I would like to say thank you for giving me a chance to read what the Quran says. God bless you all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. happy to hear you read verses of the Quran brother..... I'm assuming your a not a Muslim by religion. so, if it's not to bold to say..... have you considered changing your faith to Islam so that you may easily marry the Turkish woman you mentioned.... after all, people do all sorts of stuff for love right :)

      Delete
  53. anonymous, you appear so confused, some time female the other time male, some time believer anther time not. and now you seam would like to pick up a fight with the creator of this universe? I believe it would be nice to let women think and ask questions even when we don't like them. no offense anonymous, but my hurt and brain are telling me thanks to this god (you would like to crucify) I'm not your wife :)

    ReplyDelete
  54. I leave in Canada and 2 weeks ago I was shopping for a new car insurance. the broker asked me series of questions and one of them was: are you married to husband who has a car assurance canceled? I answered: I'm single, and I don't understand why would this husband's car insurance cancellation matter to my car insurance? It won't cross my mind to ask the men I would like to marry one day, before I decide weather or not I marry you could you tell me if you car insurance has been canceled in the past? the broker replied: when you decide to get married to someone, you better check if his car insurance has been canceled because if you marry him your car insurance premium will dramatically increase. I was in disbelieve, the car insurances are punishing women who decide to marry a men she loves. We seam to accept all human being rules but we always challenge the creator rules without taking time to think, analyze, look at the matter from every angle and try to understand the pros and cons? Oh Lord forgive us, we don't always know what we are saying.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  56. in Islam there is a way that first a generalization is made, then the exception is given. an example of this is the fist kalma of Islam.... laa ilaa ha illallaa hu Muhammadur Rasoolallah! (SAW). if we translate it, it says: there is no one worthy or worship, EXCEPT Allah ta'allah!.
    Hence first our minds are cleared that there is no absolute Being, as soon as our minds are cleared of any ideas relating to this, a fact is presented that EXCEPT ALLAH, and so the idea that Allah is the only absolute authority gets embedded in our mind. any-ways, the way I have interpreted the ayat cited above, is that a generalization is made that Muslim men and women may not marry any non-Muslims, and after that the exception is given that Muslim men may marry non-Muslim women who are of the people of the book. in addition to that, it may be a good idea to look up other ahadith and quranic verses rather than just pointing out the controversial ones.
    forgive me if im wrong...
    jazakalla hu khair.

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  57. Salamaleykum im muslim girl and i like non Muslim men . What should i do.

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  58. Salamu Alaikum!

    Great article and great in depth view point. I also share this viewpoint. I was told once by a Muslim man that if I didn't marry a Muslim man, I would go straight to Jahanam. Its good to know some people share my view point. My intent is to marry a Muslim, but if I found a non believer who believed in Allah, I could consider marrying that man. Thanks again! Very informative for me.

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  59. I am a modern Muslim women living in America my parents were divorced and I grew up here mainly alone I was supporting myself at the age of 16 with no parents or guidance and whatever I knew about Islam was whatever I was taught when I was younger ... I did not practice for a long time because I just didn't understand it . I've met Muslim men and we do not get along or are attracted .. I met a Christian man and we fell in love . What does Islam say about love and what is just and fair . I've seen people grow up and change from what they were taught their whole lives so even if the children are raised Muslim who's to say they won't become adults and decide for something else and I've met many Muslim men that act and treat women worst than some of the Christian one

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  60. The man I'm seeing Is a good man and has nothing against my Islamic faith and I have nothing against him or his faith so why is it wrong if we both love each other

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  61. Mohammad Afaque SiddiquiJuly 9, 2013 at 9:50 AM

    I never got the chance to read all the replies and comment but I read the actual post. The very important question and thing missing from this topic is why Allah or Quraan has allowed a Muslim (both men and women) to marry a Jews or Christian, what are the circumstances and what are the factors involved that one can marry. Islam is a very balanced religion and has very balanced explanation. I am sure we should first do the resarach more why it is allowed and what circumstances has to met. Qurran only say Read Salah, but it does not give us the method or way to read or perform, we find this information from the Sunnah of Holy Prophet and Sabahaas. Please don't take me wrong for saying that I am against or anything of this, but there is a valid reason and certain circumstances are given for both Muslims to marry someone outside of there religion or someone from Jes or Christian, the best marriage in the eyes of Allah is both Men and Woman being a Muslim by faith and with there practicse, or you are sure that by marrying the person will bring that individual to Islam becauser of your love or relationship, then this act is the noble in the eyes of Allah.

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  62. am i Uganda, and have the same problem. am a christian and want to marry the moslem gal. we have suffered over issues together of some of which her parents know very well. we have been dating for cloz to six years. she is the only one i want and she wants me. but am confused.

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  63. I have read almost all 81 comments being the inquisitive person that I am. And would just like some clarification in simple terms as to whether or not my conclusions of what has been mentioned above is correct?
    1. Basically men can marry non muslim women?
    2. Women are not allowed to marry non muslim men, but this is just a belief, as the Quran does not explicitly state this?
    3. Women are allowed to marry non muslim men, as the Quran does not state that this is against Islam?

    I apologize if I seem ignorant for asking these 3questions. It is just very difficult for one who is looking for simple answers too understand all the above mentioned jargon and arguments.

    Furthermore I would like to ask why is it that the understanding of Islam is difficult when comparing it to the understanding of other religions? I believe that something is either right or it is wrong. When two people from different religions fall inlove, was it not He who put those people in each others paths?

    One thing that baffles me is that there are too many interpretations of what is right and wrong according to the Quran, there are too many "smart people" giving poor interpretations when in the bible it is simple by giving followers the 10 commandments. With this said, I strongly agree with the writer of this blog, who states that women should start thinking for themselves and asking questions, as it is through these "smart people" that doubt and confusion is placed in the minds of women and men following Islam. Do not believe everything you hear.

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    Replies
    1. You're absolutely right!

      Delete
  64. "The only reason Muslim women are taught that they may not marry non-Muslim men (Christians/Jews) is so that they are kept restrained."

    Thank you so much for your positive insight! Its haram and wrong that men, including so called scholars, push that men have more rights than women pertaining to marriage.

    Allah loves all of his creation, and Islam is one religion that is for women's rights.

    Unfortunately, culture overrides simple, and honorable religious guidelines. Humans have a tendency to complicate simple things, for example turning one sentence into 3 paragraphs unnecessarily, going by their OPINIONS.

    If two believers love, honor and respect each other, then there's shouldn't be any negative backlash. Heck, people oppose interracial marriages as it is, that's terrible. Some of the most beautiful, happiest, and long lasting marriages are Jewish/Muslim or Muslim/Christian.

    I was married to a Muslim man and he was extremely abusive - mentally, physically, verbally and sexually. He took my Qur'an a homeless Muslim man gave to me for my 19th birthday, and never gave it back. He did his best to throw me off my Deen and break my spirit, my ex didn't give me or my childrens clothes, toys, didn't want me to work, go to school, muchless outside. I became depressed, and withdrawn. He didn't allow me to see my family, and he committed many acts of adultery, he threw me out of the house with no clothes on. I heard my children crying and I couldnt get to them because he locked the door. The police were no help, and found it amusing. But yet my ex husband claims to love and worship Allah. My right as a Muslim woman and only escape was a divorce and leaving him. I didn't want my daughter's growing up not having a mother,and thinking that its okay for any man to treat them like a slave or less than. It took me about 4 years to get myself together

    Currently, the man I married isn't Muslim, he's Jewish and he respects me and that I am Muslim and does not try to change my beliefs.

    Theres two people that posted as anonymous, one of them is an extremely rude, rash, and very, very, negative. Name calling was unnecessary on his/her part. Mentalities like that person is the reason why humans can't get along and why we have so many problems.

    Nobody who is of the Book should be restricted to marrying only one person of the same religion because in an essece - it feels stipulated and forced. Love is something beautiful, a blessing from Allah and should flow.

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  65. Questions:

    What do you believe the term 'believer' means for e.x are you a Christian who believes that anyone who doesn't believe in the trinity is not a christian?

    Whatever faith you are from, do you believe that believes arr people from your religion 'only'?

    Who are the perfect of the book?
    Some people might say " jews and christians" or " muslims" or " the peoplse who were christians, pagans ect before the prophet pbuh"

    Its important to know this as well as the context if any in which verses of the compassionate are revealed.

    We think that interfaith marriages dont turn out well and work out. But our views aside, it's important to understand and obey the commands of god & follow the way of the prophet pbuh.

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  66. May God Guide Us To The Straight Path :)

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  67. This is very well said. I love how you put the quran verses and hadith as your ground sources but intrepret it in your own way. And I believe that's how it should be. We are created as humans, and what makes us distinct from other creations for one is our mind. Most Muslims nowadays are still closed minded, radical, and not moving with the age. Some take interpretations from scholars which they try and connect back from the days of the prophet. oh that was only yesterday! Nothing much has changed. Before someone attacks me saying: but we must follow sunnah of and ways of prophet yada yada!
    Ofcoarse we do, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was our prophet and yes we should follow his good deeds and actions but he too is human. So we must follow everything he does? No his actions, sayings, and stories are for us to learn from, and make morals from not a second to second guide book on how to live!

    I think this is the main reason why I find the majority of the Muslims society so disconnected to, well the rest of the world! Closed minded, and willing to explore and intrepret things in different perspectives like the way this lady has. I have been lookin for something like this and this is what made me interested in Islam again.

    I was born from a muslim family, we were brought up with Islamic teachings. My parents weren't strict on religion to some cases. My parents didn't enforce the hijab even though my mum would have liked me too.
    Then something happened to her, idk what did, but beyonce loving, skin tight jeans mum dissapeared!
    She started wearing abayas which I keep reminding her looked like she pulled off the curtain rack and her head scarf went longer and worst of all: she went radical

    My younger 11 year old sister stopped swimming lessons because she shouldn't (according to mum), that changed to reading quran and attending lectures for her, none of my younger brother and sisters had any musicc lessons unlike me, because 'its haram'. She tries getting to me too, its harder coz I was 16/17 at the time. What she could do was put guilt on me.
    "Would you like to come to islamic lecture?" (This is every Friday night). Some times I would go, others I just wanna stay at home and lay in bed so I would say 'No'. She guilts me into saying that I am at home doing nothing and gaining no good deeds wasting my time in this life when I can go to a lecture and get good deeds. So mum in the hood has pulled me away from Islam made me disinterested until I met this christian man (here comes the rocks) he keeps reminding me you need to have faith in god be it Allah/ God/ yahweh, whatever, have faith in god. And he was right. I started reading more into Islam not in the way I was brought up and majority are but a new perspective. Reading the quran myself and finding different intrepretations. I can now say I'm confident in my own religion and proud and happy to be muslim

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  68. This is very well said. I love how you put the quran verses and hadith as your ground sources but intrepret it in your own way. And I believe that's how it should be. We are created as humans, and what makes us distinct from other creations for one is our mind. Most Muslims nowadays are still closed minded, radical, and not moving with the age. Some take interpretations from scholars which they try and connect back from the days of the prophet. oh that was only yesterday! Nothing much has changed. Before someone attacks me saying: but we must follow sunnah of and ways of prophet yada yada!
    Ofcoarse we do, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was our prophet and yes we should follow his good deeds and actions but he too is human. So we must follow everything he does? No his actions, sayings, and stories are for us to learn from, and make morals from not a second to second guide book on how to live!

    I think this is the main reason why I find the majority of the Muslims society so disconnected to, well the rest of the world! Closed minded, and willing to explore and intrepret things in different perspectives like the way this lady has. I have been lookin for something like this and this is what made me interested in Islam again.

    I was born from a muslim family, we were brought up with Islamic teachings. My parents weren't strict on religion to some cases. My parents didn't enforce the hijab even though my mum would have liked me too.
    Then something happened to her, idk what did, but beyonce loving, skin tight jeans mum dissapeared!
    She started wearing abayas which I keep reminding her looked like she pulled off the curtain rack and her head scarf went longer and worst of all: she went radical

    My younger 11 year old sister stopped swimming lessons because she shouldn't (according to mum), that changed to reading quran and attending lectures for her, none of my younger brother and sisters had any musicc lessons unlike me, because 'its haram'. She tries getting to me too, its harder coz I was 16/17 at the time. What she could do was put guilt on me.
    "Would you like to come to islamic lecture?" (This is every Friday night). Some times I would go, others I just wanna stay at home and lay in bed so I would say 'No'. She guilts me into saying that I am at home doing nothing and gaining no good deeds wasting my time in this life when I can go to a lecture and get good deeds. So mum in the hood has pulled me away from Islam made me disinterested until I met this christian man (here comes the rocks) he keeps reminding me you need to have faith in god be it Allah/ God/ yahweh, whatever, have faith in god. And he was right. I started reading more into Islam not in the way I was brought up and majority are but a new perspective. Reading the quran myself and finding different intrepretations. I can now say I'm confident in my own religion and proud and happy to be muslim

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    Replies
    1. So proud of you! I am doing the same hence how I found this site! :) read on your own, educate yourself ladies! There is sawaab in this. Sawaab in learning and reading the Quran. Rather then just going by "what people say"

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  69. I do absolutely agree with u. As arabic speaker, i got fed up of trying hard to make these wake up calls. I can read quran. but i get sick hearing some males misusing part of a verse for their own self-interests. I do not need an imam to tell me how i have to live. I can make my own interpretation
    other point.
    one must also make a clear distinction between a kafir, moshrik and people of the book. a christian. a moshrik is not an atheist as aan atheist does not believe in the existence of god; which makes of him a kafir. a moshrik belives in the existence of allah but he believes also in other gods.

    besides only god can judge people. so stop using the words kaffir or moshrik randomly

    learn about your own religion
    do not rely on translations

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  70. I do absolutely agree with u. As arabic speaker, i got fed up of trying hard to make these wake up calls. I can read quran. but i get sick hearing some males misusing part of a verse for their own self-interests. I do not need an imam to tell me how i have to live. I can make my own interpretation
    other point.
    one must also make a clear distinction between a kafir, moshrik and people of the book. a christian. a moshrik is not an atheist as aan atheist does not believe in the existence of god; which makes of him a kafir. a moshrik belives in the existence of allah but he believes also in other gods.

    besides only god can judge people. so stop using the words kaffir or moshrik randomly

    learn about your own religion
    do not rely on translations

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    Replies
    1. A muslim man can marry a woman that's part of the people of the book as long as:
      -She had never been penetrated.
      -She is innocent of sex knowledge.(Pornography, dating, kissing)
      -She is not a Mushrikin.

      Delete
  71. I do absolutely agree with u. As arabic speaker, i got fed up of trying hard to make these wake up calls. I can read quran. but i get sick hearing some males misusing part of a verse for their own self-interests. I do not need an imam to tell me how i have to live. I can make my own interpretation
    other point.
    one must also make a clear distinction between a kafir, moshrik and people of the book. a christian. a moshrik is not an atheist as aan atheist does not believe in the existence of god; which makes of him a kafir. a moshrik belives in the existence of allah but he believes also in other gods.

    besides only god can judge people. so stop using the words kaffir or moshrik randomly

    learn about your own religion
    do not rely on translations

    ReplyDelete
  72. i love a christian girl, i want to marry her...... i m so serious... islam agree to marry christian girl,but how i will marry her without the permission of her parents... i am so serious,i cant without her? give me a solution?

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  73. The man does not believe in Islamic vows and other marriage and divorce laws! How do you want to religiosly get married to him? too much trouble! Why should us be attracted to non-moslim? Do you feel inferior? Then you must seriously make up your mind if you want to stay Moslim. Seriously!

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  74. Some people here have expressed the view that the concept of the "holy trinity" means that Christians are polytheists. This only serves to show that some people are as ignorant of Christianity as they are of their own religion. The notion is utterly absurd. Christians are, beyond any shadow of doubt, monotheists. And as such, are "believers" in the context of the Holy Quran.

    In the concept of the holy trinity, the 'trinity' refers to three representations, or three facets, or three 'names', of the ONE god (ie. Allah). A comparably absurd notion would be that the "99 names of Allah" in Islam makes Muslims polytheists! No-one would agree with this, so why is there any confusion regarding these "3 names of God".

    I am also saddened by the stereotypical judgments made about the moral values of western women. I don't deny the reality. The fact that many western women have premarital intercourse is well known and well documented. But the reality is, that so too have as many Muslim men. Well known though less well documented. I don't think such men are in any position to judge the behaviour of western women. Rather, it is Allah who will judge them all. These Muslim men seem to be under some misconception that they will somehow be judged less harshly than women for the same act. That saddens me. The world would be a better place if people concerned themselves with their own judgement, rather than judging others.

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    1. Wow well said! Especially the part about Trinity and 99 names of Allah. Never thought of that!

      However seperate from what you mentioned , many think giving God a form of a man and face like Jesus is a sin. I think that's where they become non believers.

      Forgive if I misintreperated anything.

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  75. assalamalekum
    to my understanding,a christian who believes in the trinity and the notion of jesus christ being the son of God, is a non believer, and is prohibited in marriage, as far as both men and women are concerned. only chaste women who DO NOT believe in the above, and maintain their faith in there being one and only one god are permissible for men. But since such females hardly exist, the point is entirely moot.
    also, despite the many cultural and technological advances, our society essentially was and will probably continue to be patriarchal. as such a muslimah who marries into a christian household is more likely to be ridiculed on her faith, by her in laws, if not her husband. but the same is not true for a muslim man who marries a christian girl, not only because of the many common intersections b/w the two religions including our belief in prophet jesus christ, but also because our religion forbides us to to ridicule other religions.

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    1. Just because our religion forbids us to ridicule other religions, does not mean people dont do it. Not to mention why would ANY woman marry into a family that ridiculous her religion. Christian or Muslim?

      Chaste women who maintain their faith are permissble for men? What faith is this? And if a chaste MAN maintain their faith why is that not permissble for women?

      The verse in Quran 2:221 is vague and people are making up their own assumptions about it.

      Why does one have to believe in one or the other? Their are MANY people in todays world that believe in God, but follow their faith loosely. Muslims as well!

      What if a man born a christian but isnt religious, is supportive of the Islam? Their are alot more open minded spiritual people today. This is for them. Not the religious.

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  76. It is actions that label a person. What is their fruit? Forget what they call themselves. Watch how they live.

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  77. I'm a Muslim bone and raised as one I believe in Allah
    I'm married to a non Muslim guy

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  78. Your focus is only zoomed on answering the question between yes or no but you failed to get the full interpretation (by the same sources you referred to) of the word or the group called "People of The Book". Which 'book' is it referring to? Can people who are born by a Christian or Jew family but never studies or devoutly practices Christianity or Judaism be called that people too? In perspective is a Moslem of such nature (born to Muslim family but never study or practices Islam) be called a person of the Quran? To marry 'People of The Book' both the Muslim must a "person of the Quran" and the Christian or Jew must of the same to their books.

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  79. I am in love with a christian who believe in jesus god and jesus is a prophet. he also believes that Mohammed (S.A.W) is prophet. He is ready to convert in order to marry me. Is it acceptable? our kids will be raised as muslim with the knowledge of christianity to respect his parents.

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  80. I like the way you quoted Quran verses and relate the issue with it. JazakAllah

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  81. I have a question. If one was to marry a non muslim, who has NOT converted. How is the marriage valid? What are the requirements for the marriage to be legal Islamically? or will it not be, ever?

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